RIP

Well, today was the day for my Grandma's funeral. It was a simple gravesite service and I think Grandma would have liked it. My cousin and I did the eulogy - and I know our Mum's were really happy with how it all went.

It's all been a bit of a blur since Wednesday. Things have been so busy here - and the house has been like Grand Central Station with my family, including cousins all being here and us all trying to get things organised. I managed to scan and print a whole lot of old photos of Grandma and my sister put them into a pretty notebook. She even scanned (reduced in size) her birth certificate and other documents as well. Everyone then wrote in the book today - and it was so great to see my Uncle Les reading through it with a huge smile on his face. This is the same man who was literally sick when he realised his Mum wasn't going to make it.

I also made up an order of service - just a simple one (it was a simple service) with a few photos of Grandma in it. Of course I worried if I'd done it right (never done one before) but I overheard the celebrant saying how nicely it was put together - so I must have got something right.

But with all the rush and bustle here, I haven't had time to myself to truly think about what losing Grandma means to me, and I haven't cried for her yet. I know it will come, but I needed to hold it all together to be strong for Mum and Gail - and to just get everything done I had to do with more people in our house than we can manage most Christmas'. Even at the funeral I was worrying about the music being played at the right time, and everyone being sorted, and really making sure that the service was a happier place to be. During the time for quiet reflection, I can remember looking up, seeing Grandma's photo, and just feeling happy. Well, not happy exactly.... glad. Glad that she'd been in my life. Glad that we could share that with everyone. Glad that the rest of my family were together - if only for a few days. I can remember thinking when I looked at her photo - you did good, girl, you did good. And she had. Even at the end, the reflection of her was how the family came together and celebrated her life.

And that's how I want it to be for me - when the time comes. I want my family and friends to celebrate what I have done - not what I haven't done.

But enough for now. I'll leave you with the poem I chose for the service...


She is Gone

By Anonymous

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.